


Ghosts Of Good Men

by nijijin



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-11
Updated: 2006-03-11
Packaged: 2018-08-16 04:22:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8086984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nijijin/pseuds/nijijin
Summary: Malcolm gives Jon a not-so-subtle clue. (05/04/2003)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Kylie Lee, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Warp 5 Complex](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Warp_5_Complex), the software of which ceased to be maintained and created a security hazard. To make future maintenance and archive growth easier, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but I may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Warp 5 Complex collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Warp5Complex).

  
Author's notes: Spoilers, 2.22 "Cogenitor."  


* * *

This late in the evening the corridors of Enterprise were subdued and shadowy...lonely. That desolation ached deeply in Jonathan Archer as he slipped through the empty halls of his ship like a ghost. He had forever damned himself into this netherworld of isolation...and that...he could accept. But with almost gleeful, self-righteous indignation he condemned his best friend before him...and that...he hated himself for.

"You're damn right it's your fault!"

The accusation rung in Archer's ears shrill and harsh. The second it slipped from his lips he had wanted to take it back. Jon watched it hurt Trip.hurt him so bad that bright lively eyes gave way to dark lifelessness. If only that had been enough for Jon.satisfied his frustration.his anger.apparently it wasn't. He railed Trip's past blunders in the man's face.pompously denied his own mistakes.and finally turned his back on the younger man.dismissing his best friend's existence.

One last "Cap'n" and Trip was gone.

Weeks now.gone from his dinner table.gone from watching polo matches.gone from movie night.and gone from these ritual circuits around the ship before heading to bed. The Captain stopped in front of the observation lounge and stared blankly at the door. He tried to scrub away the memory of Trip coaxing him into that room "just to jabber a bit" when both were still too wired for sleep.

Lifting his head from his hand, Jon quickly schooled his dejected expression at the hiss of the observation lounge door. He squinted slightly as the outline of a figure stepped from the brightly-lit room into the dimmed corridor. Just for a moment he stopped breathing thinking it was.

"Good Night, Michael! Pleasant Dreams!" came the laughing gaggle from behind the figure now taking the shape of Michael Rostov.

"Shut up! You guys are too much!" He playfully teased back.

The group giggled again. After tossing his own good night behind him Rostov turned right into Archer.

"Oh! Good Evening Sir! I didn't see you standing there!" exclaimed Michael with a start.

"It's all right, Michael. I didn't mean to startle you," was Jon's rusty-voiced response.

"Sounds like you're leaving the party early," Jon lifted his chin in the direction of the observation lounge.

Rostov grinned immediately, "Not a party Sir, more like a who-can-tell-the-most disgusting-true-story contest."

Archer's eyebrows quirked, "Really? Who all's in there and whose winning if that's the right thing to say?"

Michael tilted his head thoughtfully. "Well.Travis has some pretty hair raising boomer tales. Lt. Reed was a hoodlum while growing up and then Starfleet stuck things that go 'boom' in his hands. Turns out Hoshi was just as much a juvenile delinquent as Malcolm. As far as I can tell she still is. But by far, Doctor Phlox has the most revolting stories I'd never care to hear again for the rest of my life. They always revolve around nasty things animals can do," Michael shivered.

Jon smiled slightly, "So, the competition was too much for you?"

"Oh no Sir, I can 'gross out' with the best of them. Actually I'm working Alpha shift tomorrow. The Commander won't be in."

At the mention of the Chief Engineer Michael's cheeriness began to fade in realization of his gaffe.

"He...um...he's...not...or...hasn't been...uh...feeling...well...for someti...lately."

Jon's expression became stony and Rostov began to fidget. An uncomfortable silence stretched between the two men.

"Well.Sir.I best get going. You.you should stop by in there.you can't imagine the tales they're telling.you'd get a kick out of it."

Michael knew he was babbling, but he desperately wanted to change the subject and get out of there. Especially since the Captain seemed to just freeze up.

"Um.Good Night, Captain." Michael waited nervously for a response.

Archer seemed to come back from where his mind had taken him and absently wished Rostov a good evening as well. Michael scurried a hasty retreat leaving Jon to his own guilt again.

Trip wasn't well.

Trip was staying away from his beloved engine.

 _He_ hurt Trip.

Loud boisterous 'ewwwwing' and laughter from behind the door once again pulled Jon from his agonizing. With a shake of his head Jon stepped up to the door. Maybe the freewheeling joy he was hearing could help him feel warm and alive again. Maybe if he saw _their_ faces not blaming him he would believe there was hope.

They didn't seem to notice when the door 'wooshed' open behind them. Jon hesitated as a fear gripped him. Maybe they do blame him and purposely were ignoring him.shunning him. As he cautiously moved closer, the older man quickly realized that his people were so engrossed in their happy chatter that they hadn't even noticed him.

"Now really, Phlox," affectionately floated up from somewhere.

"It's true! Once it has settled near the eye of it's sleeping victim."

Archer was close enough to see Travis sitting forward on the couch with Hoshi's body and legs completely tucked beside and slightly behind him like a shield. Both her hands clutched him desperately as her almost burrowed face peeked out an eye at Phlox. Doctor Phlox stood in front of the large observation window pointing to his own eye and grinning with ecstatic relish.

"the Celiyan Butterfly inserts its proboscis very carefully and stealthily into the tear duct."

Now the Doctor was making a sinister inserting gesture with his finger. Jon's movement forward caught Travis' attention. The younger man glanced up stunned at first, but quickly shot one of his bright welcoming grins. Disturbed by the movement of her protector Hoshi glanced around. Her grimace at the tale also quickly changed to a pleased smile of greeting once she realized who was standing next to her.

"that appendage has unique retractable barbs that once fully inside the tear duct are released."

As the Doctor made a quick 'barbs opening' motion with his hands the two on the couch popped up in shock. Hearing a snort again from somewhere on the ground Jon leaned over the couch to see Malcolm lazily sprawled between Travis' legs. Travis bumped the Englishman's shoulder with his knee in retaliation. Scrunching a huge grin into view the smaller man playfully bumped his shoulder back into the Helmsman's leg before turning to look at his "chicken shit" friends.

That rare 100-watt grin wavered once Malcolm caught sight of his Captain. Jon made to step back and leave but was surprised by the Armory Officer's continued grin and quip.

"Good evening, Sir. Your timing is perfect. Listen to the Doctor's dissertation and tell us if you don't agree that it's complete and utter rubbish."

"I assure you Mr. Reed it is not complete and utter rubbish," Phlox defended. "One might think that the butterfly ingests the fluids.tears if you will.when in actuality the barbs snag small pieces of flesh and literally rip away."

"Okay.ewwwww again." Hoshi squinted unknowingly, "I don't care if it's a lie, that's just disturbing enough to haunt my dreams."

"Yeah Doc especially with your very graphic visuals," Travis added as he and Hoshi began to untangle themselves from each other.

"Why thank you Ensign." Phlox replied with pride offering Malcolm a hand up.

"Phlox, Travis was being facetious," Reed smiled up at the Denobulan.

"Ah.sarcasm. Yes, I still have difficulty with that human form of humor."

Jon watched with a touch of envy and a great deal of pride. This group had come a long way in such a short time. Melding together so seamlessly to become intimate and trusted friends. Seeing them together only made him ache more so for the loss of Trip's own sarcastic humor, ridiculous stories, and comfortable closeness. Jon blankly stared down at his boots.

"Well Hoshi.you and I are on Alpha shift tomorrow so we better call it a night," Travis announced awkwardly.

"Um...oh right...right Travis. Help me get the dirty dishes back to the mess?" Hoshi played along.

"Don't fuss with it Hoshi, I'm off tomorrow I'll straighten up." Malcolm volunteered as he started to gather up napkins.

"Well if you're sure Malc, then maybe Phlox has time to show us proof that there is such a thing as a Celiyan Butterfly," Travis tried to hint.

"Hmmmm?" Phlox looked away from the Captain to the Ensigns. He blinked at the odd eye movements towards the door that both Travis and Hoshi were giving him. Finally with an eyebrow lift of understanding, "OHHH! Yes, yes I see.of course, I would be most happy to provide you proof. Let us leave the room to the Captain and Mr. Reed. Good night, gentleman."

The small alien swiftly moved to the door. Hoshi rolled her eyes, while Travis smacked a hand over his own in disbelief. After making their hasty farewells the two Ensigns beat a retreat just behind the Denobulan leaving Jon and Malcolm alone.

"So I suppose you got the short end of the stick?" his tone defensive.

"Begging your pardon, Sir?" Malcolm replied innocently while he continued to bus around the room.

Jon flopped down on the couch lost and tired.

"They weren't exactly subtle Lt. I'm guessing you got picked to have a little "heart to heart" with me. So why don't we get it over with."

Malcolm chuckled and took a seat next to Jon. "No, they weren't were they."

In an instant Malcolm turned to give his Captain a cold gray stare, his tone serious.

"But they meant well and I shan't fault them for that."

Jon caught the implied 'and neither shall you' in the veiled controlled anger. He also didn't miss how aptly the barb applied to another situation. Malcolm always could score a direct hit. Jon dropped his eyes to his hands now clasped nervously in his lap.

"You've changed, Lt. Reed," Jon whispered.

Malcolm was caught by surprise. It wasn't the first thing he expected the older man to say.

"Have I? How so?"

"You used to have some pretty strict ideas about fraternization. You didn't have time for friends. You kept emotional attachments an arm's length away. You made sure no one could hurt you."

Malcolm nodded at the truth of it.

"Now, you've made friends. Good close ones. You don't mind showing your affection, in fact, you seem to enjoy it. You don't harbor a fear of bonding with others anymore. I think you'd still give your life, but not for your crewmates or this ship, but for the people you love who just happened to be your crewmates. What changed?"

Malcolm didn't hesitate. "You want to know why I've become you and you've become me, Jon?"

Jon glared sharply at the younger man. "That's not what I."

Malcolm brushed the denial away like a cobweb. "It's all right. I know what a pillock I've been for most of this mission. Mind.I still think you're too lax when it comes to security protocols."

"Your concern is duly noted Lt. Go on what's the grand revelation." Irritation seeped.

"No grand revelation...really...I simply realized I was already...dead...well and truly...dead...It wouldn't be too far off the mark to say you're feeling the same way right about now, would it?"

Jon could only stare at Malcolm in discomfort. It was unsettling how the Englishman unerringly hit home again. Malcolm continued to look through Jon a bit longer before turning to watch the stars.

"You gain a false sense of safety.security when you push people away. You convince yourself you can bear the loneliness in exchange for never being hurt. And suddenly when people walk past like you were just an apparition, it hits. You've been hurting yourself all along. You haven't protected yourself from anything.anyone. You've been such a fool."

Malcolm turned back to study Jon carefully before continuing.

"Trip was the first to shake me and say.will ya live already!

Jon smirked at the near perfect impersonation.

"Then Hoshi, Travis and even Phlox tromped into my life without so much as a how do you do. Along with Trip they've made themselves quite at home.

Malcolm stopped for moment as if to relive some happy memories.

"We've certainly made some spectacular mistakes with each other. Sometimes their willingness to put up with my arrogant arse still boggles. And yes, I'll admit they've hurt me deeply as I'm sure I've done as well. But Jon, those rare occasions are nothing to all the times I've felt delighted comforted and well.loved. And God I hope I've been able to give some measure of the same. I'm made alive by their precious regard and no matter what, they shall always have mine. You say I've changed? I bloody well hope so and thank my friends for it.

Jon put his hand on Malcolm's shoulder. "Someday Lt. you're going to be a fine Captain."

Malcolm rested his own hand on top of Jon's offering a fleeting moment of comfort.

"Thank you for that Captain. Right now though, I'd be content with just being your friend, Jon."

Jon swallowed reflexively as his eyes shone overly bright, "And I thank you for that, Malcolm."

Both men sat in companionable silence for quite sometime.

Finally Malcolm got up and gathered the dishes to be returned to the mess hall.

"I was just reminded of something someone else once said."

"Oh?"

"Ah'd be satisfied with just bein a good man."

Again Malcolm's imitation of the familiar southern accent was dead on.

Jon remained silent.

"I found it rather ironic that he hadn't realized that he already was one. Huh. well.Good Night, Jon."

"Hmmm? Oh.Good Night Malcolm.and thank you for everything."

"My pleasure, Sir." And the door wooshed shut.

Jon stood and walked to the window. He pressed his forehead to the cool glass and realized how fatigued he really was. Turning he shuffled towards the door and stepped out into the corridor.

He began to head towards his cabin, but suddenly came to an abrupt halt. After standing in the same spot for a good five minutes he quickly turned, rolled his shoulders tall and briskly began walking towards a certain Chief Engineer's cabin.

Jon whispered to himself determinedly.

"It's time for us to live already, Trip."


End file.
